lizzardgirl

So of course the big question is: 'Is The Lost Symbol as big a thing as The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons?'

Well let us compare. Does TLS have what it takes to be a Dan Brown-novel:

- Robert Langdon as the naive geek hero in turtlenecks ___ CHECK

Totally. I'd say he's at his cluelessest here, which gets pretty grating. He's supposed to be the expert after all. Also, one should think that with his share in dangerous adventures, he'd be a little careful now and then. But no, he receives phonecalls from people claiming to be someone he doesn't know and needing him to come somewhere ASAP not once, but twice in the novel, and he never even thinks about calling back to confirm. More: The novel starts with him being invited at 6 am to give a lecture that same evening, and being told he'd be picked up at 5 pm. Does he use these 11 hours to let anyone know where he's going, or perhaps to google the event to check what's going on there, who'll be there, what other speakers to expect or something? Or does he perhaps call back the old friend who supposedly organised all of it to check whether there's anything else he should know? Or perhaps call his friend's sister, an old friend of his, to let her know he'll be in Washington? No, no, no and no. Of course not. In fact, I think the phonecall was only placed at 6 am so that Dan Brown could casually mention that RL does his 1,000 laps or whatever in the Harvard pool every morning at 4.45. Moreover, the caller also tells him his friend asked to pass on the message, 'Bring the secret artifact that I told you to keep secret and never tell anyone about with you.' Does Langdon question that a total stranger knows about it? Does he perhaps call his friend to ask, 'Srsly, dude? The Secret Secret Item With Your Grandpa's Seal On It? Srsly?' No and no. And then, a couple of hundred pages later, when he calls what he knows is the evil guy's number, and a terrified woman tells him she's with the police and he must come to the Evil Guy Cave ASAP because there's an emergency, does he call the local police to confirm, because, dude, the last time - only a couple hours ago - he was totally tricked into a trap when he raced to an emergency? No. So I'd say full score here.

- A randomly evil guy with an Arabic name so as not to confuse readers who's the villain ___ CHECK

There is no satisfying explanation for why the Evil Guy is Evil at all, other than that he somehow wants to get back at his dad and also sort of thinks he's a walking Dark Magic Shrine or what do I know. At one point in the novel he's threatening the Masons, then he's trying to steal some Super Science, then he wants to kill his daddy ... it changes about every 20 pages. Oh, yes, and even though he's an American who's lived in Greece for a long time, he has a vaguely Arabic name - Ma'lakh (no idea what precise linguistic source Brown had for that. He claims it's somewhere from Paradise Lost, namely Moloch, and that it's the original spelling of the name. Far be it from me to doubt him.) I only think it noteworthy that his villains often either have easily discernible looks (the albino, or this guy here is shaved and tattooed head-to-foot) or vaguely Arabic names/backgrounds (the hashashin who wanted to rape all the girls in A&D). It has some undercurrents of prejudice I don't like at all.

- Some cutting edge new scienc that is so new you or I have never heard about it, but that is totally not mumbo-jumbo or anything. ___ CHECK

It was antimatter in A&D, it's Noetic Science here. Which basically means - I kid ye not - controlling things by though. As in, scientifically. Which is why the heroine was able to grow particularly pretty ice crystals by sending them loving thoughts. Yes. Digest that. When I read that on the train last night it was all I could do to stop myself from breaking out in mad giggles. Loving thoughts, m'dears. Outside TLS, Noetic Science is regarded as New-Age Quack, but in TLS, it's presented as the Physics Of The 21st Century, That Makes Quantum Physics Look Like Kindergarten.

- A ~~damsel~~ hot babe in distress, who needs RL to help her save/revenge her dead/almost dead ersatz father-mentor figure and who also has some critical knowledge about cutting-edge science that saves the day ___ CHECK

This here for example can cook water. And she can grow ice crystals by loving thoughts. (see above.) Unlike Vittoria in A&D Langdon doesn't get to shag her, but otherwise the similarities between Vittoria in A&D, Sophie in DVC and Katherine in TLS are striking. All three are very pretty very rich geniuses. They're all scientists. They all have fatherly mentor figures in their life, be it step-daddy, granddad or older brother. All these mentor figures have a dark secret. They're all murdered or almost-murdered for it. And always, these women need RL to save the day, but also have the task to illuminate him and the readers about the cutting-edge science. (Ok, Sophie was only a cryptologist, which is a *real* science, but she was supposedly a real genius about it, and she also knew secret codes her grandpa would use, so it counts.)

- Speaking of Secret Codes: Secret Riddles that RL needs approx. 50 pages to crack, but which you or I could solve in 10 mins max. ___ CHECK

I mean, substitution chiffres and the like? Dude we did that in primary school, on the playground. I don't think secret societies would use that. Also, especially after the whole Grail Affair, I don't really think that if secret societies had a Secret Artifact that holds the Key To Their Secrets (And Possibly All The Other Secrets In The Universe) THEY WOULDN'T SAY HOW TO DECODE IT ON THE ARTIFACT. This holds true for DVC as well as TLS. I mean I'm no expert, but that's how I'd do it - keep the code and the key separated. Or perhaps do away with the bulky and suspicious-looking Secret Artifact altogether and simply rent a deposit box and lock it with a random number. (And then, I wouldn't write the secret random number on a sheet of paper - only in another order - and stick it to the deposit box. Just saying.

- Shoddy Latin, Mangled Bible knowledge ___ CHECK

- Characters holding endless lectures about their Special Topic, or if there is no character, the narrator does it himself ___ CHECK

Dude, if you do research, at least do it right.

So, all together: It's like reading DVC only it's Washington not Paris, the Masons not the Priory and Katherine not Sophie. The same plot devices over and over again, easy-peasy codes and codswallop sciences, endless boring scenery descriptions or lectures to show off Brown's supposed research yadda yadda yadda. At one point I was groaning - and I never groan when reading books - 'Oh for Gawd's sake not Jehova *again*'. And if I read one more time that someone says 'Yep' and chuckles when a Novice makes an Obvious Yet Stunning Connection, I'll start strangling people.

The only question that remains is 'Why did I read that claptrap at all?'

I have no idea, folks. Let's call it delusion.

oh, btw, Financial Times and The Guardian have some pretty entertaining reviews.